The Best Dating Advice

It’s about a week after the big break-up and you are an emotional wreck. You haven’t spoken to one another since “the incident”, which is a real shame because you just realized how much you miss hearing his/her voice. You’re head hurts from all the conflicting thoughts bucking and bashing against each other. It’s late, really late, too late to still be awake, when you suddenly get a flash that everything will be alright if you just call. Don’t!

There is no quick fix when it comes to getting your Ex back. Take a step back and properly assess the situation. Right now you need to give your Ex needs some “space”. And as much as you want to profess your love and tell them your sorry, they’re just not in the headspace to hear it and crowding him/her will only push them further away.

So what can you do?

Firstly: Don’t text and don’t call for a while. If you bump into to each other, be friendly. Don’t bring up what happened. If your ex does, it may mean they’re ready to really talk or more likely they just want to vent (in which case, keep your composure and listen).

Anything you say to him/her right now is probably not going to be believed, so you need to take action, and get your point across by doing things that show them how much you care. You’re likely to get a lot of resistance…..at first. A point will come when they start to actually hear what you are saying. How long that will take, however, is anybody’s guess. It could be a couple of weeks or a couple of years or possibly never.

Secondly: Keep things light and easy in your conversations and activities. As he/she starts healing emotionally, they’ll naturally start gravitating back to you and you could even see glimpses of the “old them” when you are out having fun together. This is not the time to tell him/her you want to be a couple again. They’re still getting use to the idea that they can be emotionally safe with you. Give it another three to four months before you spring it on them.

Thirdly: Trust is kinda like Virginity. Once it’s gone, there’s really not much you can do to get it back. It’s going to take a lot of patience and effort to even get close to having what you had with him/her. But, if you can work your way back to friends, then there’s a chance you can work your way back to lovers.

Keep your interactions light, don’t get too emotional and understand it’s a long road ahead to rebuild the trust you once shared.

If you ask any male who is having trouble meeting women to date, he’ll likely tell you about how “bad” the dating scene is. He may even suggest that the only way to “get with a woman” is either to have a lot of money, be a celebrity or be an abusive jerk (a.k.a. a Badboy); as evidenced by the number of horror stories these guys hear, from the girl they desperately want to hook up with, about her crappy boyfriend.

What is it about these so-called “Badboys” that is so undeniably attractive to women? Why do women flock to them, even though they usually end up causing a lot of emotional and sometimes physical injury. Would you jab a pointy stick through your head to clean out a little earwax? Would you cut your arm off to stop it from itching? Probably not. Though it seems like this is exactly the kind of trade-off beautiful, smart, rational women are making when they date a Badboy.

Let’s see if we can’t demystify their mystique. First of all, they are typically not nice guys. They do not seem to care about anything or anyone. They are self-centered and aloof and communicate mostly through their body language. Forty thousand years ago, before modern language existed this was also how our ancient ancestors decided which males were good to mate with and would produce the best/strongest offspring. Hmmm…

Badboys never chase women. They are referred to as “a challenge”. The woman is working to get his attention rather than the other way around. How many times do guys beg and plead, trying to get a girl’s attention? How many times do guys have women chasing them but only want the one who won’t give them the time of day? Hmmm…

Badboys also have interesting lives. Since they typically have no regard for the social graces, they are prone to step on a few toes. Their emotions are raw and they express them freely. Have you ever noticed that they are continually getting into one emotionally dramatic situation after another? This is attractive because the drama and the emotion have nothing to do with the woman. She can watch safely from afar as it unfolds. Sounds kind of like a soap opera, doesn’t it? Do you know anyone that likes soap operas?

So those are just a couple of the things that badboys have going on that short circuit a woman’s rational brain and speak directly to her biology. And this is why they are never able to explain to you why they like that guy. WHY is a question based in logic. The badboy is more about a feeling, an intensity, a primal urge.

There is no best way to end a relationship. Someone always gets hurt. The only thing you really have control over is how painful it is going to be. If you have tried to reconcile your differences, put a good deal of effort in to repairing the relationship and still aren’t seeing any improvement, it may be time to plan your “exit strategy”.

Arrange to see your partner in person. No matter what anyone says, it is never acceptable to break-up with some any other way than face-to-face. Sure, it’s more difficult that way, but it is what they deserve and it shows respect. Give them specific reasons for the breakup, preferably in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. Whatever you have to say, be honest and get it all out. There’s no going back two weeks later saying “And another thing…” Let them respond and be heard. Be polite. Say goodnight.

You can see them everywhere you go; at the coffee shop, at the movies, at the grocery store. They are the cynically callous couple who breeze through unfettered by the ups and down of a relationship. The causal observer may think they have a firm handle on their romance, but there is more to it than that. They are more than super relaxed, more than Mr. & Mrs. cool. They’re actually disengaged, the walking dead, as it were. Instead of recognizing the truth and starting over with someone new, they have decided to hold on like a drowning man on a lifeguard.

So, how do you know when it is time to say goodbye? The relationship may be over:

If you have lost all interest in sex

If you have stopped talking about your future plans

If you prefer to hang out with your own friends

If you avoids your partners friends and family

If you stop with the public displays of affection

If you feel you can no longer confide in the other person

If you start picking fights for no reason