The Best Dating Advice

No matter where you end up tomorrow night, whether you find yourself lined up behind the police tape in Time Square to watch the ball drop, counting down the new year at your favorite club or mixing in the last tangible drops of 2008 with your favorite spirits at a house party, there is one thing you can do to separate yourself from the rest of the pack and become instantly attractive to any member of the opposite (in some cases, same) sex.

A few years ago, my buddy Mike and I were at a New Year’s Eve party where we knew absolutely no one. It was mostly a bunch of twenty-something university types that were stuck in town over the holidays. Our coats were piled up on one another in someone’s bedroom and our drinks were clustered in the kitchen. There was the usual “shop talk” about finals, graduate school and which teacher equated to what smell and so forth….. Here’s a tip: If you want to be interesting at a party, don’t talk about your GPA.

As we were introduced to the party guests and later arrivals were introduced to us, I made a point of remembering everyone’s name – not an easy task. So, when it came time to grab another beer and I spotted a two cute girls chatting in the kitchen, my knapsack at their feet, I was able to say to the cuter one: “Hey Dana, hand me my bag, will ya?”. I had met her only thrity minutes before and had not said more than a couple of words. Her eyes lit up and she seemed a little surprised, blurting out “You remembered my name”. “Sure”, I said as she followed me into the living room area. “This is Steve – hey Steve, and over there is Brett” and so, on.

Now, she wanted to talk to me, badly. I had sparked “instant attraction”. How often do you remember the names of people you meet at parties or of friends of friends? Can you count the number of times? If you’re like most people it’s probably somewhere between rarely and never. And this is exactly why “Dana” was impressed. Doing this made me stand out from everyone else. It made me different; intriguing; rare. It made her want to know more about me.

Here’s your three step action plan:

1) Remember everyone’s name (that’s the tough part) & talk to someone who looks interesting.
2) Use their name casually, in conversation (“Hey Julie, I was just talking to Brad in the other room. You know Brad right? [insert a fun fact about Brad here] We were just talking about “Eagle Eye”. Do you think something like that could actually happen?”)
3) Build on the intrigue and be social with the rest of the group (DO NOT isolate and cling to them all night).

Some presents are better than others. During the hustle & bustle of the holiday season, sometimes you find yourself between parties and family gatherings, alone with no one to share your company. No more does this ring true than for the city’s many singles, who may end up feeling lonely and left out.

One of the best times of the year to meet somone new is that five day strech between Christmas and New Year’s eve. Whether emboldened by drink, the comfort of friends and relations or merely drunk on the spirit of the holidays, people are just more receptive to new relationships at this time of year. It’s as though our whole society has slipped into the Twilight Zone – as though reality itself is temporarily suspended and anything is possible (which is the true nature and real power of the Christmas season).

People are more likely to have their defenses down and accept what they are being presented at face value. Their positive vibes will imbue you with the qualities they themselves value and even the simplest getsure will come across as a great humanitarian effort. It’s pretty easy to shine if you have love in your heart and a smile on your face.

Here’s your three step action plan for stepping out on the next five nights, starting the 26th:

1.) Put yourself in the middle of the action. You cannot make an impression if there’s no one to impress. Find the local “hot spot” and show up in a comfortable, but somewhat dressy outfit.

2.) Ask a lot of questions. You can never find out too much about someone who intrigues you.

3.) Be interested. Following step 2, listen with earger ears to what the other person is telling you. And don’t forget to ask follow up questions like “How do you mean that?” to show you are truly seeking to understand them. This most effestive way to get the other person interested in you.

If you follow this advice, don’t be suprised when the group you have befriended have to leave and ask you to tag along.

Are you still stumped about what to get your guy for the holidays?

I remember, as as children, when any one of us asked what he wanted for Christmas (or even his birthday), my father would always say, “You know what I really could use? Some socks and deodorant”. Sure, he didn’t want us spending all our allowance on his gift, but he was also communicating one aspect of the perfect guy gift: practicality. To boil things down to a basic level, men are at heart, a goal setting and achieving machine. We get a lot of satisfaction from accomplishing our goals and any gift that helps us do that is always appreciated.

As men, our DNA evolved over time to help us better track down and kill our dinner. As we became better at this, our brains developed larger centers for spacial reasoning and more capabilities for deductive thought. In these modern times, however, these inherent skills are no longer needed to keep us alive. So, we instinctively seek out ways to exercise them. You can see them at work in the great architectual wonders of the world as well as in one of the most popular pasttimes of young North Amercian males: video games.

Another facet of life men have to negotiate is their status amongst a peer group. This can have a positive or negative effect on his social life, depending upon where he falls in that group. This is one reason most men (dare I say: All Men) love gadgets. No matter their purpose, they are cool. They are a symbol of male staus.

So, here are three questions you might want to consider before buying anything. Does your gift:

Help him accomplish something (have a prcatical value)?
Engages the spacial & problem solving parts of his brain?
Add to his social value among his peers (make him seem cool)?

If your gift has any one of these aspects, you’re on the right track. If it has all three, watch out, fireworks are about to explode.

This question has plagued men ever since our ancestors first started to celebrate the holiday. It’s especially troubling to new relationships, where you haven’t known one another for very long. It can be such a daunting question that we put off thinking about it until, uh oh, is it December 24th already?

When it comes to buying gifts for women, any present you intend to buy for her should be appropriate to her taste. However, figuring out what her tastes are is exactly where a lot of men get tripped up, despite their best intentions.

Women are regularly trying to understand the meaning of their communications with others. It’s just apart of the software hard-wired in them from birth. Often, what we may think of cute, cheeky or innocent may end up offending her once she looks at it through her “what does this gift say about me” filter. Here are a few questions to keep you on track:

Is your gift:
*Thoughtful (meaningful beyond the price-tag)?
*Considerate (connected to a shared moment)?
*Appropriate (suitable to her demeanor and style)?
*fun (about her spirit, not her need for a new kitchen appliance)?

Still unsure? Women are very good at giving off subtle hints about things they want or things they want guys (or their guy) to know. As men, we are terrible at picking up these subtle signals. We need the message loud and clear, not a faint whisper through bad reception on an old radio; which is what it often sounds like, so we dismiss it.

You can, however, with a little practice, become good at picking up these signals. Pay attention when the two of you are out window shopping. Look for clues when she says she likes something/doesn’t have something. It will usually just be a passing comment (to us anyway. She may feel like she’s being very clear). When the time comes, not only will she be surprised and smiling, saying, “How did you know? This is awesome”, it will show that you made a conscious effort to get her something you knew she would like. And that, when it comes from the right place, is very attractive to women.

If you make a note of these things and remember them for later, you will never have to scramble for a last minute gift ever again.

The Holiday Season officially kicks off next week. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, this is the one time of year where we are able to transcend the minutiae and BS of everyday life and genuinely embrace our fellow man. Smiles and handshakes are seen as sincere expressions of interest and well-being rather than being filtered through the eyes of suspicion and cynicism.

One of the best ways to capitalize on all the good vibrations and socializing at this time of year is to make yourself the center of attraction – an ambassador of good will and peace towards all men.

Here’s your holiday season action plan (works best if Christmas is your thing, but if not, you can always make believe or substitute items/icons/wording as necessary):

Step One: Go to the Dollar Store in your neighbourhood and pick up a Santa hat.

Step Two: Wear your new chapeau out to the club, bar, reception or wherever you want to make an impression. You’ll immediately attract attention and people will be curious about you.

Step Three: Move among the crowd. Go from table to table and ask whomever is there (men, women, single, coupled) what they would like for Christmas.

Step Four: For even more fun, pretend that you actually are Santa Clause. Talk about your elves’ production schedules, jet-lag, or rather sleigh-lag, from traveling all night, how you thought you saw the person you are talking to’s name on the naughty-list, etc…

Step Five: Take this concept to the next level by getting yourself a sleek moleskin notebook. On four or five pages write down as many men and women names as you can think of on the left side. On the right side of those pages, write Naughty or Nice. This way, no matter who you run into, you can pull out your “little black book” and let them know if they will be getting a present or a lump of coal this year.

It’s a lot of fun and people WILL remember you; sometimes for years after-the-fact.