The Best Dating Advice

When it comes to dating and romance, nothing is more pressuring than a first date. But what if it didn’t have to happen that way? What if you had a plan? A basic blueprint for handling the date? From beginning to end?

You know how it is. Maybe you are out with friends at the pool hall, or even alone at the bus stop, and then you see him/her. Your pulse quickens, your sweat glands engage and you start feeling anxious and aren’t sure what to do about it. Who is this person who seems to be causing your (allergic?) reaction? How is this stranger intoxicating your senses so profoundly? You instantly want to know everything about them, even possess them. You lose the desire to eat, the urge to sleep. This person is all you can think about.

Driven by your dominant urges, you finally decide to make yourself vulnerable to rejection. You may have spent days or weeks mustering up the courage to talk to him/her and ask them out. And the risk turns out to be worth it, because they said “yes”. You relax. Your physiological responses return to normal and you start thinking about how great it is that you have set up a date with this person.

This is where many people go astray. They start making HD quality pictures in their heads about how great things will be when they get together with this person and start investing a lot of emotion in to the process. When it’s finally time to go on the date, they have built up their expectations so high that there is MASSIVE pressure to make sure everything goes right.

So, what do you do now? You have a date, but do you have a plan for the date? All of sudden you start worrying about all the things that will go wrong if you somehow do not impress this person. Having a plan will dramatically increase your chances of having things work out the way you want them to, but what of the intangibles? Which “you” are you showing up as? How do you create that “connection”? Are we having fun yet? How do you “end” the date? I recently posted a FREE nine-page PDF report called: “7 Tips For a Killer First Date“, designed to help you navigate these first date minefields. You can download it here:

It’ll should answer about 90% of your questions, send me an e-mail for the other 10%.

It’s about a week after the big break-up and you are an emotional wreck. You haven’t spoken to one another since “the incident”, which is a real shame because you just realized how much you miss hearing his/her voice. You’re head hurts from all the conflicting thoughts bucking and bashing against each other. It’s late, really late, too late to still be awake, when you suddenly get a flash that everything will be alright if you just call. Don’t!

There is no quick fix when it comes to getting your Ex back. Take a step back and properly assess the situation. Right now you need to give your Ex needs some “space”. And as much as you want to profess your love and tell them your sorry, they’re just not in the headspace to hear it and crowding him/her will only push them further away.

So what can you do?

Firstly: Don’t text and don’t call for a while. If you bump into to each other, be friendly. Don’t bring up what happened. If your ex does, it may mean they’re ready to really talk or more likely they just want to vent (in which case, keep your composure and listen).

Anything you say to him/her right now is probably not going to be believed, so you need to take action, and get your point across by doing things that show them how much you care. You’re likely to get a lot of resistance…..at first. A point will come when they start to actually hear what you are saying. How long that will take, however, is anybody’s guess. It could be a couple of weeks or a couple of years or possibly never.

Secondly: Keep things light and easy in your conversations and activities. As he/she starts healing emotionally, they’ll naturally start gravitating back to you and you could even see glimpses of the “old them” when you are out having fun together. This is not the time to tell him/her you want to be a couple again. They’re still getting use to the idea that they can be emotionally safe with you. Give it another three to four months before you spring it on them.

Thirdly: Trust is kinda like Virginity. Once it’s gone, there’s really not much you can do to get it back. It’s going to take a lot of patience and effort to even get close to having what you had with him/her. But, if you can work your way back to friends, then there’s a chance you can work your way back to lovers.

Keep your interactions light, don’t get too emotional and understand it’s a long road ahead to rebuild the trust you once shared.

Can you feel it? It’s out there, somewhere, lurking like a predator in the dating jungle. Crouched in the tall grass with sweat bleeding through your headband you hold on tight to your Nikes. Your heart pounds audibly in your chest as you listen for any sounds. You can only hear your own breath echoing in the emptiness. Your instincts say “Move!”. Your fear says, “Stay!”. Your eyes nervously flit from side to side and you wonder if you should risk rising up to get a better view? You wish you were somewhere, anywhere else. You just want to avoid the whole mess. And, despite your best efforts, Valentine’s Day has found you, once again.

The messages on Valentine’s Day are clear: To be normal and happy you have to be in a relationship. Haunted by the social stigma of being single, we’ve been lead to believe that being “on your own” is somehow an intolerable situation that must be avoided at all costs.

And even though those feelings are nothing more than the “big business” marketing machines jerking at your emotions in order to sell a few more bobbles and doodads, it can feel a bit like the mean kid in class who gets everyone else to laugh by pointing out the huge zit on your forehead.

Don’t let the bastards get you down. Here are three ways to take control and empower yourself:

Volunteer: There’s no better way to shake yourself out of a funk than to help out those who are less fortunate than you are. Contact a local charity and ask how you can help out.

See A Live Band: Show up at the venue and set up in front of the stage once the music starts. Make friends with whoever you are standing next to. Talk about getting back to your friends when your drink runs dry and hit the bar and then set up somewhere else near the stage. No one needs to know you are there alone.

Have Some “ME” Time: Take the opportunity to turn off the phones, close the drapes and settle in for a quiet evening with…yourself. Get to know who you really are, what your values and beliefs are all about. Take the time to figure out in exacting detail, what you are truly looking for in a partner and what kind of person will make you happy.

And then, go out and find him/her

Being alone can suck. Being alone on a day when you are consistently bombarded with images of happy, loving couples can be downright “slit your wrists” depressing. The endless advertisements for how important & special it is to be in a relationship on this day can leave you feeling angry, lonely and bitter, staring at the clouds in your coffee, wondering “what the hell is wrong with me?”

I would like to think that “what’s wrong with you” is that you have standards. After all, anyone with half a brain, a little persistence and a bit of time on their hands can get a date. But is the meth-head from down the street, living in the cardboard box adjacent to the Salvation Army store really the person you want to introduce to mom?

In automobile lingo, you would be dating a Yugo. Yeah, it’ll get the job done, but essential things like a heater are considered “optional extras”. Now, a Porsche will cost you more (in time & effort) and may be a little harder to come by, but you won’t have to worry about freezing your toes on those cold winter nights.

Take a moment to remind yourself that you are sticking to your vision. You have already chosen not to get involved with anyone who doesn’t live up to your standards. You have already decided to take the time to find someone with all the qualities you respect and admire. You already know that doing this will give your future relationship it’s best shot at success. Don’t compromise your values now, because you are feeling the pressure to be “relationshiped”.

However, if you’re determined to get a date so you too can be apart of the Valentine’s Day festivities, you will want to figure out where your target prospects are likely to hang out. Are you more likely to find someone to date:

*at your local gym?
*taking in an art class?
*doing yoga at the “Y”?
*hanging out online?
*volunteering at your favorite charity?
*out walking your dog?

Most men and women of quality aren’t hanging out at the local pub, martini bar or nightclub. Some are, but you will find the majority of them out doing things in your day-to-day life. Think about where you went today. Did you meet anyone interesting? Could you have? What about that hottie who smiled at you? The one in the coffee shop? The one browsing the sale rack in the specialty boutique?Potential dates abound. You just need to tune in to the possibilities.

Even better, find them where they’re actually looking for you: