The Best Dating Advice

If you have spent anytime at all associating with the human race, chances are you’ve been turned on to the idea of keeping yourself available to meeting your “soul mate”.

The elusive “yin” to one’s “yang”, countless numbers of romantic hopefuls talk gleefully of the day they will meet their “soul mate”. The truth is, they have probably already met any number of singles who could have become their soul mate.

Where the childhood fairy tales trip us up is in the expectation that our soul mate will show up on our doorstep one day, fully compatible with all our needs and desires.

As with many things in life, your soul mate will probably not look like anything like what you think your soul mate should look like when you meet him or her. It is, afterall, the deepening connections that happen through your shared experiences, trials and joys, as you build your life together that will ultimately transform you and that person in to each other’s soul mate.

The notion that soul mates are developed, through a deep shared connection, rather than being “ready-made” individuals you just haven’t met yet is contrary to the multiple media messages we get everyday about how easy and effortless love should be.

The bottom line is that relationships DO take work. If you start off with chemistry, mutual respect, a sincere desire to be together for the long-term and you are willing put in the effort to make the relationship work (this is where a lot people bail), you will find over time that you are with your soul mate.

Taking the responsibility of finding that person and not allowing yourself to chalk up your singlehood to fate, will increase your likelihood of meeting that special person who could become your soul mate.

In our point-and-click world of instant gratification and multiple choice living, were faced with more options about what to have, be and do than any other generation in history.

This is especially true when it comes down to choosing a mate. With the inroduction of the internet and the widespread use social media, our options have exploded. Where you were once limited to meeting someone in your geographical area, you can now meet people from all over the world.

Internet Dating, whose humble roots started in the back pages of the local newspaper classified section has lost the stigma of “desperation” and become and accepted and valuable time-management tool for students and young urban professionals on the go.

The promise is: your ability to meet thousands of singles who exactly match the criteria you have for a mate. This has lead some to adopt a “checklist” approach to dating.

The problem is: the longer your checklist is, the less people you will find who meet all your criteria. While this may help you to narrow the field of unlimited choices initially, you need to understand that as you add more attributes, you will be disqualifying people whom under different circumstances you might have called “The One”.

If you use your checklist as a “guide” and not a “must have” list of qualities, you will avoid the trap that many singles find themselves in while on their quest for love. Many times our lists contain attributes that are found across a range of personality types, and could never be realistically embodied by one person.

Here’s what to do:

Take your checklist and segregate it into 3 sections. Choose only your top five :
“must have” qualities
“would be nice to have” qualities and
“better not have” qualities

Keep it simple and you will find you are meeting a lot of potential partners. There are a lot of great people out there.

If you “buy in” to the media and societal message that your extensive checklist “soul mate” is “just around the corner”, you may find yourself being hyper-critical with the people you do date, to the point where you are continually disqualifying potential candidates based on minor flaws and never quite finding that perfect relationship you are so desperately chasing.

…never let it rest? Okay, that’s a good theory when it comes to working on your school projects or business ideas, but when it comes to romance, it could be recipe for perpetual singledom?

As you gain more experience in your dating life and attract higher and higher quality lovers, the more temptation there is to “trade up” when there’s a lull in the relationship rather than address the issue; even when, by most accounts, “everything’s great”.

Six months in to a stable, fulfilling relationship, shortly after the initial “honeymoon” phase, you may wake up one morning and ask yourself, “I wonder what else is out there?” Whether you act on that question or not may depend on how deeply influenced you are by the media reinforced cultural messages that:

1) there is always someone better for you out there
2) your odds of finding this person is inevitable given the number of singles looking for love in all the wrong places.
3) while your waiting to find your soul mate, you will have a great time hanging out with your single friends.

Fear of settling for someone who is less than perfect in every area and the belief that there are untold thousands of singles who will meet your specific romantic requirements keep many singles single.

The free and easy living depicted by Hollywood screenwriters and the romantic fantasies perpetuated by our television dramas and reality shows have somehow become the baseline expectations for our everyday lives. However, when the day-to-day reality does not match up with our entertainment ideals we are often left feeling disappointed; questioning and even devaluing the lives we have.

Don’t get caught in the trap of comparing your situation to the idealized versions coming through your television screen.