The Best Dating Advice

Halloween may still be months away. And you find the idea of dressing up in a costume to go out in public and garner the favor of strangers galling.

Yet, that is exactly what we all do, everyday. We “put on our best face”, “dress for success” and “take on the world. The truth is, we are all insecure (and some would say we’re conditioned to be this way from an early age). It’s in the way we are raised. In generations gone by, stepping out of your cultural norms or expectations could lead to public shaming. Of course this only works if you care about what others think.

There’s a school of thought that says this desire for getting other people’s approval is hardwired in us from the days we had a tribal culture when it was a struggle just to stay alive. Here, being in everyone’s good graces meant you had the protection and resources of the group to help you live another day.

We remain affected by this desire today. We are still under a lot of pressure to make sure we are well received by strangers, whether it’s a job interview or a first date. If we completely tank, on an emotional level, we feel that loss, that primal pain of not being accepted, deeply, as though those tribal conditions still existed.

Unfortunately, this emotional angst pops up continually in our dating lives. We have given it much more authority than it deserves in our modern times and even tied it in how we perceive ourselves. Many of us, fueled by this innate desire to be accepted, are prone to bargaining away the very thing that others find attractive about us.

When we attempt to trade our power in a relationship for acceptance, we present a less than desirable picture of who and what we are. The situation reeks of someone who does not value themselves and feels they have to resort to bribery to gain affection. Do Not let this be you. You’re better than that. I know you are.

The mask you want to wear; the portrait you want to convey, the one that turns heads, is one of cavalier disregard balanced with an up-beat attitude, a positive outlook, self-determined action, an insatiable curiosity about the world & the people in it, and a fixed determination to accomplish the goals you have decided are worthwhile.

Show the world this is the person you are and they will “beat down your door” to meet you.

When it comes to dating and romance, nothing is more pressuring than a first date. But what if it didn’t have to happen that way? What if you had a plan? A basic blueprint for handling the date? From beginning to end?

You know how it is. Maybe you are out with friends at the pool hall, or even alone at the bus stop, and then you see him/her. Your pulse quickens, your sweat glands engage and you start feeling anxious and aren’t sure what to do about it. Who is this person who seems to be causing your (allergic?) reaction? How is this stranger intoxicating your senses so profoundly? You instantly want to know everything about them, even possess them. You lose the desire to eat, the urge to sleep. This person is all you can think about.

Driven by your dominant urges, you finally decide to make yourself vulnerable to rejection. You may have spent days or weeks mustering up the courage to talk to him/her and ask them out. And the risk turns out to be worth it, because they said “yes”. You relax. Your physiological responses return to normal and you start thinking about how great it is that you have set up a date with this person.

This is where many people go astray. They start making HD quality pictures in their heads about how great things will be when they get together with this person and start investing a lot of emotion in to the process. When it’s finally time to go on the date, they have built up their expectations so high that there is MASSIVE pressure to make sure everything goes right.

So, what do you do now? You have a date, but do you have a plan for the date? All of sudden you start worrying about all the things that will go wrong if you somehow do not impress this person. Having a plan will dramatically increase your chances of having things work out the way you want them to, but what of the intangibles? Which “you” are you showing up as? How do you create that “connection”? Are we having fun yet? How do you “end” the date? I recently posted a FREE nine-page PDF report called: “7 Tips For a Killer First Date“, designed to help you navigate these first date minefields. You can download it here:

It’ll should answer about 90% of your questions, send me an e-mail for the other 10%.